6 hours ago
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I have a foolproof way to make millions. It’s a little tricky to execute, but hear me out, OK? Step one: find a time machine. Step two: travel back to 2020. Step three: quickly, before they all get nabbed, buy the entire stock of the This Smells Like My Vagina candle that Gwyneth Paltrow notoriously sold on Goop for $75 a pop. Then come back to 2025 and sell them on eBay for $400 each. Seriously, that’s what they are going for now. We’re talking a 433% return!
How do I know this? Not, to be clear, because I am spending my evenings searching for vagina-scented candles. No, I know this because the chatter around Paltrow’s candle is impossible to fully extinguish; it keeps popping back up in the news. In 2021, for example, there was a big hoo-hah because a Texas man claimed that the candle exploded on his bedside table. No one was injured but a lawsuit was filed for the Texas man and others who “through no fault of their own, bought defective and dangerous vagina-scented candles”.
That case was later dropped. The candles are now back in the headlines because Paltrow was speaking at an event called the Mindvalley Manifesting Summit over the weekend and revealed that her famous creation originally started off as a joke. The perfume team were apparently messing around with scents when she said, “Oh, that smells like … you know.” And, well, you know what happens next. Paltrow also revealed that she thinks her candle was very “punk rock” and challenged the shame around female sexuality. And if you don’t agree, she thinks you should “go fuck yourself”.
Anyway, back to the details of my get-rich-quick plan. A time machine might seem preposterous but, according to the Mindvalley Manifesting Summit’s website, manifesting means “bending time and reality through intention, intuition and aligned action”. So manifest the damn thing and start getting that vagina candle money!
Perhaps you’re wondering if it wouldn’t be easier to just manifest a bunch of cash instead? Yes, come to think of it, probably. Although, honestly, you shouldn’t take financial advice from me. I started my working life as a corporate lawyer, then went into advertising, and now I am a freelance writer. Instead of climbing the career ladder chasing pay rises I slithered down it chasing pay cuts. Still, here I am living the dream and writing about vaginas for a living. It’s very punk rock!
Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist
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