You be the judge: should my husband stop walking everywhere – and get on his bike?

3 hours ago 8

The prosecution: Frida

Bikes are a quicker way to get around. We should use them so we can enjoy more of our destination

I hate walking anywhere. Whenever we explore Berlin, where we live, I prefer to cycle. It’s easier, it’s more fun, and it saves time. My husband disagrees. Frantz loves walking and I always end up trailing behind him by bike, which is uncomfortable because I have to pedal slowly to keep at his pace.

Walking is boring; I find it monotonous. I don’t like how you take the same routes when walking, going up and down the same roads. When you go by bike you often find new trails and parks, and end up discovering new things. Frantz says the opposite, that walking helps you uncover neighbourhood gems, but I guess it depends what you’re looking for.

I also prefer cycling because it frees up more time by reducing our commute. Berlin is a very walkable city, but in the winter it’s too cold to dawdle. We don’t have a car, and even though cycling can be hard in the snow and wind, it’s better than walking.

Frantz always says I’m late for everything and biking is my attempt to be on time, but that’s not true. Cycling is my attempt to make the most of every moment. I don’t want to waste time pretending that slowness is a virtue. Sometimes at the weekend I can persuade him to join me, but other times he insists on walking, and this attempt at compromise pleases no one. He also still ends up waiting for me to lock up the bike whenever he wants to stop and look at something, or I end up waiting in the cold for him to come out of a shop and think: “I should have just walked.”

We moved to our part of Berlin 12 years ago and only got our bikes two years ago, so really I am in the right because the bikes are still a novelty and we have walked around enough of our city as it stands. A walk can turn into a meander; with a bike you have a fun, quicker journey and get more time to enjoy the destination. It’s a far superior mode of transport.

The defence: Frantz

Walking is how you discover new things – Frida only prefers cycling because she’s always late

Frida is notoriously slow to go anywhere. Whenever we have a plan, she is always five or 10 minutes late. I used to get annoyed but it didn’t make her change, so why bother? I am on the one who keeps track of timings whenever we need to go out, and Frida only ever starts getting ready on the final call. When she reaches for her bike I sigh, because that adds another 15 minutes on to our timings.

We each have foldable city bikes, and she needs to lug hers out of the apartment and down the steps, and get all her gear ready, whereas I am just good to walk out the door. I prefer walking because you can really discover things in the city. You can stop and say, “Let’s grab a coffee,” or “Can we buy a book here?” because you’re moving at a slow enough pace to notice things like the shops and the character of a neighbourhood. To me, it never gets old even though we’re not new to our city.

I agree you get to your destination faster on a bike, but you don’t get to stop and smell the roses. Frida wants to go quickly to make up for being too slow to leave, but that’s her problem, not mine. If we have plans for dinner or a show, she will take the bike because she thinks it will help her get there faster, but it’s often too late to make up for lost time. Plus, I want to enjoy the journey, not rush to the destination.

I think our upbringings have made us look at time differently. Frida’s constant lateness is funny because German people are known for being rigid timekeepers. I joke and say she’s not really German. We are both Afro-German, but I grew up in a white family, which I believe has made me more time-conscious. Frida grew up with her Caribbean side, and we joke that it’s made her too relaxed.

I’m happy to cycle a little more to keep the peace but I also think Frida needs to speed up in general. A bike will not save her. We are in our 50s and have been together since we were 25, so I can’t see her internal pace changing – but a man can dream, can’t he?

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Frantz give Frida’s idea a spin?

Frantz is happy to cycle sometimes, which is a reasonable compromise. Frida is inconsistent, saying you find new trails by biking, and then complaining that walking leads to meandering.
Josquine, 80

Some people are punctual and some aren’t. It has nothing to do with upbringing, nationality or ethnicity, and it’s wrong to impose your personal preferences on your partner. As long as you both get to where you’re going, does it really matter how you get there? Being married doesn’t mean being joined at the hip.
John, 69

None of the stuff about being on time seems pertinent in this case, because the accuser is allegedly going to be late whatever form of travel she uses. They could compromise and both use bikes, but sometimes take indirect routes at a slow pace to explore less trodden paths.
Eddie, 46

Frantz shouldn’t have to sacrifice his walks because Frida can’t be on time. Maybe if they agree on set times to cycle, and other times to go on a walk, they could try to enjoy each other’s modes of transport.
Ruby, 24

Frantz and Frida have different preferences which are equally valid. I suggest taking turns: both cycle one day and walk the next. If they use different modes of transport, Frantz should start walking first, and Frida will easily catch up on her bike.
Friederike, 60