3 hours ago
4
Name: “Aisle lice”.
Age: Any age, as long as they’re ambulatory.
Appearance: A mere blur between seats C and D.
Is this about a lack of hygiene in theatres? No, it’s about a lack of etiquette on aeroplanes.
Removing your shoes, commandeering the armrest, aggressively reclining your seat, that sort of thing? This behaviour only occurs at the very end of the journey.
You mean post-landing? Exactly. Those passengers who leap up as soon as the seatbelt sign goes off – if not just before – in order to race down the aisle and be first off the plane. It’s the latest passenger trend infuriating people online.
The first people off the plane should be the people in the front row. Not if this lot has anything to say about it.
Well, that’s just rude. Not only is it rude, but according to a couple of flight attendants interviewed in a recent Reader’s Digest article, it tends to slow down the process of disembarking for everyone. And don’t get me started on “gate lice”.
Excuse me? The people who hang around the gate pre-flight, trying to board the plane before their group is called.
I’ve never understood them. Why get on a plane before you have to? The better to seize precious overhead locker space rightfully belonging to others.
Actually, when you put it that way, it sounds like a good idea. Recently, people have also begun to speak of “baggage claim lice”.
Passengers who crowd around the luggage carousel, blocking the way for people whose bags have already emerged? You got it.
If you ask me, this is all just part of the wider problem of everyone being awful. Maybe, but airlines have probably made things worse in their quest for profit – charging extra for front seats, carry-on bags and priority boarding. It creates a competitive mindset and encourages sharp elbows.
Can anything be done? Some steps have been taken. The Turkish civil aviation authority recently instituted a £50 fine for airline passengers who stand or remove their seatbelts before the plane has taxied and come to a complete stop.
What about the ones who try to jump the boarding queue? In 2024 American Airlines introduced technology to gates at more than 100 US airports that sounds two loud tones if you try to board before your group has been called.
Bleeps of admonition? That’s the idea.
I suppose anything that makes air travel more enjoyable is a plus, including the public shaming of others. Yes, it helps to pass the time.
Do say: “When aeroplane etiquette becomes a matter of passenger safety, the rules must be rigorously enforced.”
Don’t say: “Mind if I squeeze past? I can’t bear you people any longer.”
