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Most dating apps have been forced to bolster their safety measures in recent years due to a litany of complaints of online abuse as well as negligence when handling reports of sexual violence. Several of them are now taking steps to combat this and encourage users to verify their identities to ensure everyone is who they say they are. Typically, this is done with facial recognition technology by asking users to take a video selfie or provide a photo ID that the app uses to compare with the photos used in their profile. Many have also introduced features to help users stay safe, including block and report systems alongside bans on sexual harassment, fetishisation and hate speech.
Still, there are precautions to be taken whenever you agree to meet someone you’ve spoken to online, like meeting in public places and withholding any private information. Here are more top tips for staying safe.
Read our guide to the best dating apps, tested
How to date safely online
Ask the right questions
You want to strike the right balance between flirting and getting to know someone to build trust. “Try asking how they like to communicate or what they’re passionate about to see if it’s going to be a fun adventure or if you could end up hurt,” advises Alice Hoddinott, education and wellbeing specialist at Brook, the sexual health and wellbeing charity. “Don’t ignore red flags and trust your instincts.”
Those red flags could be anything from scant profile details to highly edited photos. “This indicates a possible scammer,” says Dr Emma Turley, senior lecturer in criminology at Central Queensland University and a chartered psychologist with the British Psychological Society. “Other red flags could be fast-tracked intimacy accompanied by pressure to move conversations off the dating app and on to other platforms [see below]. The other major red flag is around requests for money and/or personal information. This often comes in the form of stories of personal hardship. Scammers will take time to build trust before asking for money or personal information, and it can be very subtle.”
“As soon as a conversation mentions money in any form, stop the conversation immediately and report to the dating app,” says Ann Austin at the Online Dating and Discovery Association.
Take breaks
“It’s easy to get swept up in swiping, chatting and constantly checking your phone – but remember, dating apps are just one part of your life,” says Brook’s Hoddinott. “If things start feeling overwhelming or you’re noticing it’s affecting your self-esteem, it’s OK to log off. Taking a break doesn’t mean giving up – it’s a way of looking after your mental health and keeping all parts of your life safe.”
This is important as a way of preventing dating app burnout, which can hinder your judgment. “When someone is drained, they are more likely to overlook red flags or settle for unsafe or unpleasant behaviour,” says Turley. “Breaks allow you to reset your boundaries and return to the apps with clearer judgment.”
Keep conversations on the apps until you feel comfortable
“It is common for scammers to try to move conversations off the dating app as soon as possible to avoid detection,” says Austin. “It makes sense to move off the dating app eventually, but don’t feel rushed to take the conversation away too soon and make the most of the added security the dating services offer within their messaging services.”
Turley also advises making sure not to share your location (including your home and workplace) on other messaging platforms when you first start chatting to someone. “Be cautious with photos, too, as some can be reverse-searched to find out more information about you,” she adds. “Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.”
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Weed out AI images
“Scammers are very good at love bombing, so it’s important not to feel rushed and to take your time to get to know the person behind the profile, just like you would if you met them in a bar or at the gym,” says Austin. “You can use Google image search or check their social media to see if the details match. AI images are becoming more sophisticated, so also be wary if there’s no online presence at all.”
Of course, reverse image searches can also be weaponised and used by people you’ve spoken to on apps to track you down on social media without your consent, which could lead to online stalking. To prevent this from happening, it might be worth using photos for your dating app profile that aren’t featured on your social media pages, as advised by the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network in the US.
Enlist the help of family and friends
Even if you have been chatting to someone for a week or two, it’s a good idea to talk to someone you’re close to about them before agreeing to meet, just to ensure you haven’t missed any glaring red flags. “Sometimes it’s someone not closely involved who can see things that you are unable to, and they can offer some useful advice,” says Austin.
As for the date itself, be sure to meet in a public place with good lighting and people nearby. “Tell a friend or family member where you’re going and who you’re meeting, and what time you expect to be back,” says Turley, who also suggests sharing your live location with a friend or family member using your phone for the duration of the date. “Have a plan to get home independently, and if someone makes you feel unsafe, it’s OK to leave the date.”
Other sources of dating app safety advice:
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Rainn (American but worth a look wherever you are)
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eSafety (Australian but worth a look wherever you are)
Olivia Petter is a journalist, broadcaster and author with more than a decade of experience in lifestyle, pop culture and cosplaying as Carrie Bradshaw. When she’s not writing or panicking about not writing, she can be found watching old French films, spending too much money on vitamins and complaining about her love life to her cat, Blanche DuBois. She’s a Gemini sun and Scorpio moon
