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How do you deal with a problem like The Donald? The simple answer is that you don’t. You can’t. The normal rules of political engagement don’t apply. The US president is like a five-year-old child with the world as his set of toys: a King Baby.
Nothing is ever constant or predictable. What’s agreed one day can be forgotten the next. Any deal can be interrupted with a temper tantrum at any time. Trying to second-guess Donald Trump is a fool’s errand.
So the primary aim of Andy Burnham’s first face-to-face meeting with Trump was to get out alive with his – and the UK’s – self-respect intact. To take no incoming damage. And whatever he did, not to offer the president a third state visit. Keir Starmer never really lived that one down. Putting out on the first date only encourages the other person to think you’re a pushover.
The hoped-for result was a pleasant and almost forgettable bilateral meeting at the United Nations general assembly in New York. It was only scheduled to last 30 minutes, so more like speed dating – one step up from two world leaders shooting the breeze while getting to know each other. Where differences could be acknowledged without causing a major diplomatic incident.
All of which falls pretty comfortably within Burnham’s skill set. Andy’s stock in trade is an easy-going self-confidence. He’s comfortable in his skin in a way that Keir never was. Or maybe the artifice is just better concealed. He understands that trash-talking is all in a day’s work for most politicians. In the past, he may have called Trump all sorts of things. Poisoned politics. Someone who would be unwelcome in Manchester. Well, that was then, this is now. Things change. Just like Trump. Now he would be welcoming the US president to the G20 in Manchester next year. Who would have guessed?
And it all looked to have gone pretty much to plan. Maybe Trump also wanted this meeting to go well. His poll ratings in the US are dire, the midterm elections look like trouble and The Donald needs all the friends he can get – even if he had just tried to lose a few more of them in his speech to the UN earlier. A speech that had been even wilder and madder than many of his previous ones. Still, at least he hadn’t threatened to invade a Nato country this time. And it’s always good to learn of countries you never knew existed. Anyone for “Kazakhistan”?
Taking questions with Trump afterwards, Andy didn’t look quite as self-assured as usual – he seemed very much on edge – but who could blame him for that? This was his first time as prime minister at the UN and The Donald always has it in him to blow any meeting out of the water.
It was Andy who went first, trying to remember what they had just talked about. It had all been a bit of a blur. That was it – they had talked about Iran. In his earlier speech, The Donald had suggested it was a toss-up whether he came to a deal with Iran or whether he annihilated it. On the whole, Andy was in favour of a deal. Quickly if possible. The war was causing a massive hit to the cost of living. He chose not to highlight the irony of Trump calling on Volodymyr Zelenskyy to stop bombing Russian refineries as it was playing havoc with the cost of oil. Pots and kettles and all that.
Burnham then bigged up the deal with Saudi Arabia. The one where we send one plane to refuel Saudi fighters that don’t need refuelling because their targets are only a few hundred miles away. Finally, he mentioned the Falklands. By now The Donald was looking a wee bit bored. Unsure where the Falklands are or why they had been talking about them. Perhaps he was wondering why he was looking even more orange than usual.
Then came the actual questions. Was Andy a man with whom Trump could do business? Sure he was, said The Donald. Andy was a “great businessperson”. Really? And by the way he was a lot nicer and a lot more talented than his predecessor. Poor Keir. Not only is he no longer prime minister, but he’s still getting rubbished at meetings he would have been attending. He really can’t buy a break. But that’s Trump for you. Andy shouldn’t relax too much. That will be him getting trashed one day.
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On we went. Immigration. Burnham deftly trying to give credit to the immigrants working in the NHS while going on to condemn illegal immigration. Trump was just dreaming of walls and border guards. What about patriotism? Which did the prime minister prefer: Manchester or Manhattan? By now Andy was feeling a bit more self-assured that the whole thing wasn’t about to go tits up, so he joked about the president calling Manchester “some town”. Trump just shrugged. It still is just some town to him, but he wasn’t going to labour the point. He was trying to be on his best behaviour. For a five-year-old.
Then a question on the sanctions imposed on illegal settlements in the West Bank. Trump looked bewildered. Had never heard of them. Andy insisted he had personally called the White House to inform the president of the UK’s intentions. It had been done to maintain the possibility of a two-state solution and to restore trust in politics. This was more like the authentic Burnham. Standing up for what he believed. Trump said nothing. Maybe he actually did recognise the prime minister as an equal.
There was just time for a mention of the proposed handover of the Chagos Islands – It’s a terrible idea,” said Trump unhelpfully, to which Andy gulped “We’re looking at it” – before we closed with Trump insisting relations with the UK had never been better and that Britain was a country on the up. Some of us could distinctly remember The Donald saying the UK was on the slide only last week. But who’s counting?
Then a minder called the impromptu presser to a close and kicked everyone out of the room. Trump looked blank. He often does. Burnham looked relieved. He had got out of his first encounter with the president alive. Both he and the UK were still intact. Chalk this one up as a win.
